Gay Pride

I love Gay Pride weekend. I love partying and eating and playing and staring at the crazies and everything else that it entails. The only difference this year was that I actually made it to the parade...I have missed it every year and think that missing it again would not have been too much of a tragedy. However...

We walked over to the pride grounds right after the parade and were there until they kicked us out at 6:30ish. How many hours of hula hooping and sunning are too many? I still can't answer that question but 7 1/2 seems to be pushing my limits in that department. Of course, there is the inevitability of tiring from the fact that several days of partying catches up to you sooner or later so perhaps the exhaustion at the end of Sunday was not from too many hours in the sun but merely a result of my body screaming at me to stop abusing it in the manner I am accustomed to.

I am still trying to recover but I started working full-time this week and getting up at 6:45am is not conducive to the recovery process. In conclusion, I leave you with this:

To all the gays (or at least the ones that are my friends): I love you, I love you, I love you. That's all!

Common Courtesy?

Perhaps I am slightly stuck in the ideal of the days before cell phones when people had to be where they said they would be, and do the things they said they would do or endure the wrath of their angry and/or disappointed friends, family, colleagues, and coexisting beings.

On a slightly unrelated note: If someone was doing a favor for you, I would think that you would be inclined to be kind to that person, and if the situation involving that favor changed, I would think that that person would be the first to know. I would think. However, that line of thinking is apparently incorrect, inferring from my recent experience.

The complete lack of respect and regard for others has me disappointed with the state of humanity. And I'm not one to feel down on myself (and those around me) simply because of a bad experience. But recently I have been on the receiving end of that disrespect and disregard, and it hurts. Someone in my life, that I care(d) about, completely dismissed my efforts to help. And this was after I had been ASKED to help. Now, this was no inconvenience for me whatsoever, but the absence of communication has me frustrated to no end. It has been eating at me ever since which bothers me even more because normally I don't hold on to things. In fact, I hardly ever even get mad so to be upset for over a week about this is quite troubling.

Okay, back to my point...be considerate of friends, acquaintances, others in general, or at least be considerate to those you need something from. It will make your life and theirs a hell of a lot easier. And one more thing, I hate flaky people. There is almost nothing that bothers me more. So if you're going to be a flake, stay away from me.

Currently listening...

1. Tal M. Klein - Emmylou's Petting Zoo (Omegaman Remix)
2. Incubus - Dig
3. Tal M. Klein - Plastic Starfish
4. Kaskade - It's You It's Me
5. Jack Johnson - On and On
6. Gym Class Heroes - Cupid's Chokehold
7. Incubus - The Warmth
8. Incubus - Clean
9. Daft Punk - Harder Better Faster Stronger
10. The Bravery - Time Won't Let Me Go

I think this is the most random "Currently listening..." yet. Tal M. Klein. AMAZING! He mixes funky beats with awesome melodies and great baselines. I can't stop listening to him. If anyone is interested, www.myspace.com/plasticstarfish. Check it out, you won't be disappointed.

Back to Incubus. I will always love their music. It doesn't necessarily cheer me up, but it expresses things I feel for me so that I don't have to discover how to express it myself. The Warmth is one of my all-time favorite songs because of the lyrics. Clean is more about the beat for me. I love the opening of Clean and it will always make me think of going to see Napoleon Dynamite when we were in Phoenix for Piper's wedding. We were walking out of the theater and I heard the song start. I knew that I knew the song, but it took me a few measures before I could place it.

Now Kaskade. I know I've written about him before, but honestly, he is one of my favorite (and one of the most talented) house djs. It's You It's Me is my favorite Kaskade song, but really, they're all good.

The question posed: Would you rather be blind or deaf? I don't even have to think about it. I could not live without music. There would be no point to my life if there wasn't a soundtrack to it. A soundtrack to my soul. Obviously, then, I would rather be blind. Absolutely no hesitation, no doubt.

I was at a club one night, and someone asked me if I had ever heard the song that was playing. The answer was no, so the follow-up question was how I knew when it going to drop, or when the beat would break. The answer: I just feel it. For those who appreciate house/trance/electronica/etc. it just works. You just feel it. You get it and it does something for you! JUST FEEL IT

Building it up to let it go...

I've known this was coming for about seven or eight weeks, but I'm so glad it is finally here. The person I was dating broke up with me about six weeks ago and I have been waiting for him to leave. I know that I have built it up but I think in some strange way that will make it easier for me once he is gone. The fact that he has stopped talking to me completely within the last two weeks is also making it easier to let go.

Part of the reason I have been holding on to this is because this was the first relationship I have had in about five years. So while I did like him a whole lot (I may have even been a little in love), I think a big part of why I didn't want to let go is because I like the idea of him. Which is interesting, because I told him that just a few weeks into us dating. The following is an email that I sent him, albeit unintentionally, after he told me that he wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship with me; that he wasn't sure if the spark was there (emphasis added):

after putting quite a lot of thought into this weekend here's what i've come up with:

i feel like i am ready for a relationship therefore i am looking for one. if you are not feeling like you want one with me then i don't want to hinder other possibilities because i'm holding on to the thought of you. so unfortunately (or maybe not) i need to either progress with you, or stop dating you altogether

I wrote that on February 12, five weeks after we started dating. So I already knew that I was holding on to the idea of a relationship, not necessarily him. Then why was I so heartbroken the first month after he broke up with me? Obviously things change, and things had changed a lot from the time I wrote that email to the time we broke up, but even still, it feels like I knew it wasn't going to work from the beginning so I deceived myself for a long time thinking that it could.

The whole point of this is that I have been building up to his departure and now that it's here, I think it will be an instantaneous break from my heart. I'm ready.

Currently listening...

1. Gabriel & Dresden - Tracking Treasure
2. Late Night Alumni - Empty Streets (Kaskade mix)
3. Sia - Day Too Soon
4. Tiesto feat. Christian Burns - In the Dark
5. Oasis - All Around the World
6. Tal M. Klein - Don't
7. Depeche Mode - I Feel Loved (Danny Tenaglia mix)
8. Portishead - Mysterons
9. Oceanlab - Satellite
10. Annie Lennox - No More "I Love You's"

I've discovered Pandora.com, and while I don't always agree with the track list, it's MUCH easier than playing dj on youtube. However, I did have to play Tiesto, Kaskade, and Gabriel & Dresden on youtube. Sometimes I have to hear a song, and it's the quickest way to satisfy that urge.

Kaskade is going to be in Salt Lake on Friday, May 2 and I will do anything to go. The last time I saw him was November 2006 at the Depot with BT and he was INCREDIBLE. I love his music, and he's nice to look at too.

I love house music, and vocal house especially. I love trance. I'm loving trip-hop right now as well. I love music in general

contrite

I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry that I've upset you. But what's done is done and I hope you'll forgive me for it. I want to be with you more than anyone else and I wish that you would let me back into your life and let me build trust. This is worth working on; I promise you that.

I meant everything that I said and it's all still true.

WOW

The last few weeks have brought new people into my life, allowed me to keep my distance from other people, and changed my relationships with almost all people. My life has been enriched in so many ways, specifically by three wonderful individuals who have decided to make me part of their life and love me wholly for who I am.

And the most exciting part is that I get to go on my first vacation in about four years!

Oh yeah...I had my birthday a few weeks ago; if you're really that interested reference MySpace Birthday Blog.