and so it goes...

I know that I set myself up for this but it still hurts. And just when it seems that things are falling into place, there's that one person or action or instance that throws a wrench into my perfectly manicured life. He created a web of deceit and made it impossible to decipher what was actually reality.

It hurts to know that the most important thing in my life is gone. Partially by my own choice, and partially by his own discretion. I work five hours a day, five days a week. Other than that, we were together all the time. Nobody spends that much time with one person. We slept in the same bed, we had all the same friends, we went to the same bars. Even if we were just at home, we never tired of each other or reached the end of the obviously bottomless cache of conversation topics.

So even though I am not in love with him, I love him so much that my heart is broken. It hurts.